river running

Reclaim Your Time

I had a pleasant, rejuvenating respite on the river over the past five days.

If you are unfamiliar with the joys of boating a river, let me recreate it a bit for you.

After some angst over the food menu and laborious packing of everything, as well as the kitchen sink, you arrive at the place on the river where you launch your craft eager to put, attach or strategically place - so that gravity does the work for you - all those things you brought.

Like the lawn chair. The bocce ball set. The portable blender. A keg of beer.

This is rafting. Not backpacking. Not sea kayaking. Not bicycle touring.

Weight never enters your mind when you are prepping your trip. Some people bring waterproof river bags the size of wine casks, and nearing the same weight, that are chock full of nothing but costumes and costuming related items like feather boas, stiletto heels and makeup. Of course, they bring other bags of similar weight and heft with their essentials - sleeping bag, clothes, toiletries, hardback tomes like Sacajawea.

On one Grand Canyon river trip we had one raft dedicated solely to multiple beer kegs and multiple dozens of eggs. It was quickly dubbed the “Kegs and Eggs” boat. It was convenient because you were sure to never wander onto that boat for any other reason. You were either getting ready to make the night’s kegger happen or you were making an omelette. However, just as extended families should avoid all flying at the same time on the same plane, putting all of your kegs - and eggs - in one boat, may not be the wisest choice.

Because rafts can carry a considerable amount of weight, cooler manufacturers do not have to scrimp on thick plastic these days. Most coolers are back breakers before you add the ice and the contents. Though, as an added benefit, food remains fresh longer and beer stays cold longer. It was rare in the old days to lose weight on a river trip, and it is even more rare now.

So, you’ve arrived at the launching point with great anticipation and now the flotsam and jetsam of all the party members and the typical flotsam and jetsam of every river trip - tarps, pumps, jugs, boxes - are strewn before you like a haphazard Bear Grylls garage sale. You manage to puzzle it all out to fit into the rafts at hand, even if it means spreading stray cans of pop or beer into the bilge of your raft, as we once did on the Middle Fork of the Salmon out of desperation.

The author of a New York Times article once described overnight raft trips as voluntarily moving your buddy out of their two bedroom apartment twice a day. I cannot take umbrage to that description. But you can think of it as cross-fit training.

And then you cast away from shore and your boat is caught by the downstream pull of the river and you realize another distinct difference from backpacking - none of the weight is on your back! And the river - like one of those moving walkways at the airport - whisks you away. Occasionally you have to put a little effort into rowing in order to make any progress.

So, there you are. Surrounded by nature and all of your stuff and - depending on the time of day and the nature of your fellow companions - maybe a Stinker thermal mug of coffee or a close to frosty beer can freshly pulled from that overpriced cooler that ought to be measured by the tonnage rather than the volume.

Once the launch ramp disappears, so begins the fading of the cares and troubles in the world. As of today, cell service sucks in most of the remote river canyons. Therefore, your umbilical cord to the daily madness gets cut as dramatically as if you entered an underground vault or the world’s longest railroad tunnel. Your attentions have nowhere to go but toward your fellow adventurers, to the tasks at hand, to the most immediate needs, to the herd of bighorn sheep nibbling their way up the canyon wall, to wondering what the weather might do and whether or not you remembered your rain jacket.

Everything you need is with you. Afloat. So, at the least, for the next five days, week, three weeks, month, your world has been reduced to the river you are traveling on and the pack of humans you are traveling with. What’s the meal and where’s the camp and how am I going to be entertained this evening?

I’ve done hundreds of these overnight river trips and I can only remember one group’s dysfunction that soured the memory and even that river trip is memorable and edifying for its own reasons.

That (what I described above) is where I’ve been over past several days. Disconnecting to reconnect. Feeding off the positive energy of the natural world and the good-natured people who accompanied me. Contemplating nothing heavier than the health of my loved ones and whether those sprinkles in the middle of the night were the portent of a deluge.

No matter how you choose to disconnect, in order to reconnect - river trips, long distance running, meditation - if I am a ‘pusher’ of any advice, it is the value of taking that time for yourself.

Reclaim your time. I assure you, you will feel the better for it.

River Running in Movies

When the movie The River Wild starring Meryl Streep and Kevin Bacon premiered in 1994 approximately thirty of us Pacific Northwest river guides were in attendance at the Cinerama in downtown Seattle. Much to the chagrin of the other patrons in attendance. We were unapologetically boisterous and we could not contain our incredulity at what we were watching.

But we were not incredulous about much of the whitewater scenes. I was acquainted with the making of the film and I knew one of the best female guides in the world had consulted with the director, trained Meryl Streep and participated with other real-life guides in the filming of the very authentic flip scenes.

But other aspects of the movie were hilarious as well as implausibly ludicrous.

Like the ‘ancient’ raft which was actually a thinly camouflaged brand spanking new American manufactured Maravia inflatable.

Like the empty raft on a multi-day journey carrying several people and then disgorging a complete camp set up. Dutch ovens and all!

Like a guy trying to escape the bad guys after a swim clinging to a cliff wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt and tennis shoes.

Hollywood.

This came to mind recently because I decided to watch Bird Box with Sandra Bullock.

I am not going to go deep into the synopsis of this story except to say it is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the only way to survive outside of enclosed spaces - houses, buildings, caves, sheets over your head! - is to be blindfolded. As you can imagine, if you find yourself having to navigate a river, this can prove to be problematic.

Of course in the climactic scenes of this stinker of a story that is exactly what happens.

Our heroine finds herself having to navigate a river that looks to be in the Pacific Northwest. She is blindfolded. There are two five-year old kids with her who are also blindfolded. She is rowing an aluminum boat designed for a lake. She has to travel downriver more than 24 hours. They have no life jackets.

Who wrote this story!?

The odds of them surviving this adventure are longer than the Seattle Mariners ever reaching the World Series. (Which, I guess, in 2019 the Orioles are the least likely team to reach the World Series.)

And guess what? They capsize near the end in what looks to be solid Class III or IV white water.

They have to remain blindfolded even so. Two five-year olds have to survive without personal flotation devices while being sightless. The three parakeets in the cardboard box held by one of the children also manage to survive this disaster. (Thus Bird Box. You’ll have to spend two hours of your life figuring out the connection. I am not going to divulge it here.)

I understand that you need to check your disbelief at the door when you watch or read these sorts of tales. I do it all the time with a slew of shows I like.

But I have a much harder time when it comes to survival in the outdoors. Maybe it’s because I know what it is like to swim difficult rapids in freezing water. Maybe it’s because I worry that the gullible souls who take this Hollywood fare in will attempt to try it themselves.

Go ahead and enjoy the movie. If you are on Netflix, you own it already!

Just remember, when they launch out onto that river, their odds of survival are almost nil without sight, skills, but, most importantly, life jackets.